As 60 approaches faster than I ever could have anticipated, it's only the nuttiness of the world that is outpacing my aging. My last day in my 50's is embedded with the 'announcement', the acceptance of Joe Biden to step aside. In doing so, he lets the next warrior of democracy try their hand at keeping America's head above the the tide of severe conservatism thats waiting to wash in tides of white male supremacy and the doctrine of '2025'. If I wasn't already so battle worn from the past decade of both political and menopausal strife, I might actually be excited at the prospects. Number one being that if most Americans come to their senses and want to uphold democracy, freedom and equality, the first female president could finally become a reality. Of course there is the whole black/asian thing and if people couldn't bring themselves to vote for the white one why would they now vote for the mixed race one? Well the answer Sherlock is the fight of all fights in American history. We are on the precipice, teetering dangerously with only the slightest perceived reality to make it fall one direction or the other. On one side, America the leader, the strong hold of western society pushing the boundaries of what's possible for humanity. On the other, America the Nationalist, pushing for a return to patriarchal, puritan, racist, sexiest, bigoted lifestyles, holding up the white man as god. On paper it seems so obvious, the right choice, it's so clear. But then, if it were that simple we never would have had all of the horrors of history now would we? I would list them, all those horrors, but that would be to assume you are the percentage of people who don't know or refuse to accept history...and folks like that would never be here reading this.
It's interesting how the world has become what it is at this point in its history, at this point in my life, and how that is shaping and shoving my life in particular directions. A month ago, Dave and I were still in the holding pattern, the one we've been in for a year and half. Today, we are on the brink of forging ahead, concerned less with the risks of leaving what we have and focused more on the concerns of the future if we don't take the leap now. It is an exciting feeling, putting everything into motion to go after your next dream. It's also fucking scary; failing at this point in one's life is a much harder fall than in one's 30's, 40's, even 50's. I have one foot in retirement and Dave's not too far behind me. A decade of money-making if we're lucky and that's it, no more paychecks and company healthcare. We're not in a position to make mistakes, especially ones that cost a lot of money
The flip side of course, is that I've made it this far. I know a lot of folks who haven't. Corinna didn't make it to 21. Laheana didn't make it to 40. The list of peeps I went to high school and college with who have passed from ALS, brain cancer, liver cancer, heart attacks, is longer than I ever could have imagined. So there's an acknowledgement that to be able to take risks in my life, to participate in the nuttiness of what's happening in the world, to make it to 60, is a privilege. The reward for living is living with the world as it is right now.
On that note, I'm going to take my last day of 59 and go make the bed, see if the chicken has thawed enough for dinner, fold some laundry and ponder the possibilities of what's next. Does Dave's company allow him to go mostly remote? Can we sell the house for top dollar in a short amount of time? Can we get a contractor in here to fix all the little things that need to be fixed before we put the house on the market? Will the next round of antibiotics get rid of my small intestinal methane overgrowth, aka IMO? Oh right, don't know that I knew I had that last time I wrote. Well, I do, basically it's like SIBO but it's worse. Yeah me! I've been on very restricted diet, so much so that I'm pretty thin right now which I kinda love. I fit back in my body, like I have always done at 135 lbs. Yes, I'm wrinkly but I'm ok with that. Feeling in my body the way you do wearing your favorites clothes is the best part of my day as I tackle IMO. Eventually, I'm probably going to have to go on Lexapro to battle the worst of my menopause issues, especially now that we can't get my hormones stable...another thing I haven't gotten to writing about. And Lexapro is going to likely make me gain between 15 & 30 pounds. Hence why I've been dodging it for 2 years. I've told mom all about Lexapro, she call them the ''fat pills'. "When are going to take those fat pills?" she asked me yesterday. She just wants to know I'm ok, that I'm not continuing to suffer like I have over the past few years. Yeah, me too.
